如何为伴侣挑选完美的礼物？

Looking for the Perfect Gift? Social Science Can Help
如何为伴侣挑选完美的礼物？

ARE you in a panic, not sure what to get that special someone this year? Fear not, because my fellow social scientists have the answer for you.

你现在感到惊慌吗？不确定今年应该送那个特别的人什么礼物吗？不要担心，因为我的社会科学家同行已经为你找到了答案。

For economists, the perfect gift is simple: cash. Indeed, they often express surprise that anyone would give anything else. There is even lively economics literature on the “deadweight loss of Christmas.” One economist writing in the prestigious American Economic Review estimated this loss at between 10 and 33 percent ― meaning that gifts we buy others are worth up to a third less to them than what they would buy for themselves if we just gave them the money instead.

对于经济学家来说，完美的礼物就是现金。实际上，居然有人馈赠现金之外的东西，这经常让他们感到意外。关于“圣诞节无谓损失”的经济学文献相当丰富。一名为著名刊物《美国经济评论》(American Economic Review)撰稿的经济学家估算，这个损失在10%到33%之间，也就是说与我们给别人钱让他们自己购买礼物相比，我们为他们购买的礼物的价值，最多可能要低三分之一。

Imagine the look on the kids’ little faces when, instead of putting presents under the tree, you whip out your wallet and give them each a crisp $100 bill. I proposed that once to my wife and she suggested that we should also start a fund to pay for their counseling.

想象一下当你突然拿出钱包，给孩子们每人一张崭新的100美元钞票，而不是将礼物放到圣诞树下时，孩子们的小脸上会是什么表情。我曾对我的妻子说过一次，她认为我们还应该创立一项基金，支付他们的心理咨询费用。

Perhaps you are fretting that you might get someone a bad gift by mistake. How important is the perfect gift? Sociologists have taken up this question. In a 2008 study in the journal Social Cognition, four sociologists conducted an experiment in which young men and women who had just met gave one another gift certificates. Unbeknown to the participants, the researchers manipulated the gifts, giving half of the recipients popular certificates, and the other half embarrassing ones.

或许你在头疼，要是无意间送了不好的礼物怎么办。那么，完美的礼物有多重要呢？社会学家研究了这个问题。在《社会认知》期刊(Social Cognition)2008年发表的一项研究中，四名社会学家进行了实验，让刚认识没多久的青年男女交换礼品卡。参与实验的人不知道的是，研究人员在礼物上做了手脚，让一半的人拿到了喜爱的礼品卡，另一半人拿到的则让人难堪。

Let’s consider this from the point of view of a participant. You sign up for an experiment to help out a sociology professor, because you’re a good person. You meet an attractive person in the experiment, and give him or her a certificate to a nice bookstore. Maybe he or she will go out with you later, right? It turns out the researcher switches your gift for a certificate for something like acne cream. Perhaps someone should do a study about why sociologists don’t want you to be happy.

从受试者的角度来想想这件事吧。你很善良，参加实验是为了帮社会学教授一个忙。你在实验过程中遇到了一个让你眼前一亮的人，送给对方一张礼品卡，可以去一家不错的书店。也许对方以后会跟你出去约会的，对吧？结果研究人员把你的礼品卡给换掉了，改成祛痘霜之类的。其实应该有人来研究研究，社会学家怎么就不想让人高兴呢？

So what happened in the experiment when the participants got a bad gift? The answer depended on gender. Women who got an undesirable certificate shrugged it off, while men who got bad certificates judged themselves to be very dissimilar from the women who gave them. In other words, it’s easier for women to wreck a new relationship with a bad gift.

那么在这个实验当中，受试者拿到糟糕的礼物后，又发生了什么？答案取决于性别。拿到不合心意的礼品卡时，女性并不怎么在乎，而男性就会认为，自己跟送出礼物的女性很不合拍。换句话说，女性更容易因为送出了不讨喜的礼物而毁掉一段新关系。

Fortunately, in perhaps the most unsurprising finding of the decade, scholars in the science journal PLOS One published an article in 2013 with the self-explanatory title “Women Are Better at Selecting Gifts Than Men.” Somebody actually might have gotten tenure figuring that one out.

幸运的是，科学期刊《公共科学图书馆・综合》(PLOS One)在2013年发表的一篇文章用标题就解释了这个问题：“女人比男人更擅长挑礼物”(Women Are Better at Selecting Gifts Than Men)，这可谓是十年内最不令人意外的研究成果。想想看，有人还真可能因为研究透了这个问题而拿到终身教职。

What is the effect of bad gifts given within established relationships? According to the priest and writer Thomas à Kempis, “A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver.” In other words, it’s the thought that counts. Of course, Kempis was a penniless renunciant monk, so his gifts were probably pretty cheap.

如果关系稳定，送出糟糕礼物的影响又有多大呢？按照牧师和作家托马斯・肯皮斯(Thomas à Kempis)的说法，“明智的人不在乎爱人所给的礼物，而在乎赠礼之人的爱。”换言之，其中蕴含的情感最重要。话又说回来，肯皮斯是个身无分文、断绝爱欲的僧人，他的礼物恐怕是寒碜得很。

According to psychologists, the thought does indeed count ― but only up to a point. In one 2012 study published in The Journal of Experimental Psychology, participants were asked to recall good and bad gifts they had received from loved ones. Surprisingly, recipients paid relatively little attention to the thought behind gifts that they liked. On the other hand, receivers of bad gifts positively evaluated the thought behind them.

根据心理学家的研究，礼物蕴含的情感的确很重要――不过是有限度的。在《实验心理学杂志》(The Journal of Experimental Psychology)于2012年发表的一篇论文中，研究人员请受试者回忆从亲朋那里收到的好礼物和糟礼物。出人意料的是，对于喜欢的礼物，受试者其实不那么在意背后的情感。相反地，他们会对糟糕礼物背后的情感给出正面评价。

So go ahead and give your tennis-loving wife hockey tickets ― she’ll say it’s the thought that counts! I wish you the best of luck with that.

既然如此，尽管给你喜欢网球的妻子送上冰球票吧――她会说，其中蕴含的情感最重要！我衷心祝愿您全身而退。

One 2002 study by two psychologists entitled “What Makes for a Merry Christmas?” in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that people reported feeling happier when their holidays focused more on religious faith, and less on money. This marks a major rift in the social sciences. While economists say you should give cold cash, psychologists apparently believe you should just say a nice little prayer for each person in lieu of a gift. Either way, you’ll be a huge hit.

在2002年，两名心理学家在《幸福研究期刊》(Journal of Happiness Studies)上发表了一篇论文，题为“圣诞节要怎样才快乐？”(What Makes for a Merry Christmas?)，其中发现，众人表示，如果节日更多地关注宗教信仰而非钱财，那么就会更开心。这突显出，社会科学家当中存在巨大的分歧。经济学家说应该直接送出冷冰冰的现金，心理学家却似乎相信，应该给每个人送出小小的温馨祈祷，而不是送礼。不管怎么样，你都会大受欢迎的。

In truth, I’ve been a bit too hard here on my fellow social scientists. What the studies are telling us is actually simple: Try to give people what they value, but if you mess up, it isn’t a big deal to the people who truly love you. Above all, give of yourself, and share your faith and affection abundantly. Ralph Waldo Emerson summed it up nicely when he said: “The only gift is a portion of thyself. Thou must bleed for me. Therefore the poet brings his poem; the shepherd, his lamb; the farmer, corn; the miner, a gem; the sailor, coral and shells; the painter, his picture; the girl, a handkerchief of her own sewing.”

说实话，我对自己的那些社会科学家同行有点太苛刻了。这些研究告诉我们的事情其实很简单：尽量送给对方他们珍视的东西，但万一搞砸了，那些真正爱你的人也不太会当回事。最重要的是，献出自己的真心，慷慨地分享信仰和情感。拉尔夫・沃尔多・爱默生(Ralph Waldo Emerson)总结得不错：“最好的礼物是你自己的一部分，失之如割肉。诗人献出诗歌；牧人献出羔羊；农人献出玉米；采矿人献出宝藏；水手献出珊瑚珍珠；画家献出画作；姑娘献出亲手绣的手帕。”

So there you have it: a guide to the social science of gift-giving. Best wishes from our entire profession for what is the most joyous time of the year, and for the inevitable regression to the mean that follows.

以上便是馈赠礼物的社会科学概论。我代表全体同仁，祝大家尽享一年中这最幸福的时刻。也预祝大家在节日之后，幸福值不可避免地回归均值的日子，也能好好生活。